A new rosh kollel came and offered a class in halacha and the young rabbi who had invited me originally invited me to study Ain Yakkov before prayer. So I began to study nearly three hours every day, pray my shachrit, and also bring my breakfast. I had finally gotten into the flow of learning and had found a place where I really enjoyed the people and their spirit, and felt my Torah learning connecting with my prayers...and then suddenly they told me they were closing up because of financial problems.
What a shock! It has been a few months since this happened and I still feel the loss. Today I went back to the beit knesset to pray and I felt the special light that i enjoyed there, and remembered all the friends and fine people studying there, and what a perfect little place it was for me...and I wondered, "Hashem, I worked so many years to learn Hebrew to struggle to get to the place where I could enjoy studying gemara and halacha...and as soon as I get there, I lose my chavruta and the kollel is shut down. Why?"
And He answered me..."How do you think I feel? I used to have a very special Temple where my beloved people used to pray, offer korbanot, and also there was a special center of learning and court of Torah Law called the Sanhedrin. And it too was shut down..."
How beloved are Your dwelling placs,
Adonoy of Hosts.
My soul years and even pines for the courtyards of Adonoy;
my heart and my flesh will sing for joy
to the living Almighty.
Even the bird has found a house,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she places her young
on the ruins of Your Altars,
Adonoy of Hosts, my King and my God.
Fortunate are those who dwell in Your house;
may they continue to praise You, selah...
King David (Metsudah Tehillim 84)